When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.

(I wrote this last night --- well, obviously sometime after midnight - it really is New Year's Eve now - onward!)  ;)

Love this picture and saw these quotes from the kids on Facebook... jeeeez life is so simple when you're a kid... watching my g'baby become aware of her surroundings and interacting with people is just the best. Everything's new again. I remember when my son was growing up --- what an absolute joy it was to see things at 42 that I missed being busy growing up... (I use the term loosely)

Everything is fascinating to a child. From a light switch going on and off to asking twelve thousand times... what's zat? ... HAhaaaa... you should hear her trying to say Hippopotamus... she's 20 months old and says... hippo - head goes back - ta---- Hippo! ...

Man... oh man I miss that kid.

I also thought today was New Year's Eve.... I went to the Apple store today to try to get them to figure out why my videos won't upload to my hard drive. It was determined that it is the App... I upgraded to the unlimited time and they just will not jump on over to my computer! I can email them but that's it.

So, we sent an email to these App folks ... suppose won't hear anything until sometime next week. At least I know it's not my iPhone or MacBook....

Then decided I'd eat something or other ... beautiful shopping area ... The Promenade ---- fancy schmancy new part of town. I ate at a place called Orange Burgers... never heard of such. I had the burger melt with a vegetarian patty, grilled onions, mushrooms and havarti cheese... DEeeeelicious!  Their speciality dessert is homemade pie made daily... seriously!!! and a dreamsicle float - my favorite ice cream when I was a kid... they pour the orange soda over vanilla ice cream with fresh squeezed orange juice! I didn't get one but holy jeez.... so no pie or float! hah

Decided then to go to get a cappuccino at my neighborhood Starbucks before they closed at 6pm for New Year's Eve. I got there about 6 --- lots of traffic and the Apple store is about 25 minutes from my neighborhood --- it was still open! with quite a few people... I thought how inconsiderate of those people still in there when they knew the baristas wanted go play for New Year's! so I said... well I'M not going to keep them open and went on over to McD's for coffee.... got a paper for the crossword and then damn it all to freakin hell... they have those twofer pies for $1... and so I had the twofer... sigh sigh SIGH sigh sigh....

I asked 'em how late were they going to be open tonight and the little girl said - all night! I said oh, poor you! not closing early? she said we'll close early tomorrow night. I said ... oh, for New Year's... seems y'all would have closed early for the Eve too... she looked at me kinda funny... but then I'm used to that. :D

Then decided to go to Kroger and get some black eyed peas for tomorrow ... don't understand that tradition really but then I like black eyed peas with rice and a nice salad regardless. Walked around in there for a long time and wondered why they were still open but I was glad because I didn't want to go home....

Soooooo stayed out until the reeealy late hour of 9pm... thought I'd go on in and watch Times Square stuff. I bought an Orange Crush at Kroger.... yes, I did. I made me an orange float at home and was totally prepared for Times Square. The Arkansas Razorbacks were playing... WHAT? so .... watched Hot in Cleveland on TV Land and then at 10 decided surely! the Times Square stuff would be coming on... but there was the local news telling me all about this and that for New Year's Eve tomorrow night.

I never.

Anyway! blog ol buddy ol pal... how's about a picture of the Universe smiling and some precious quotes from kiddos.. ;)

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
 year olds...

What does 'love' mean? 


When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her 
toenails anymore. 
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got 
arthritis too.. That's love.
Rebecca- age 8 



When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. 
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
Billy - age 4 



Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
 and they go out and smell each other.
Karl - age 5 



Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French 
fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissie - age 6 



Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4 



Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip 
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - age 7 



Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, 
you still want to be together and you talk more. 
My Mummy and Daddy are like that They look gross when they kiss.
Emily - age 8 




Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
 presents and listen.
Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
 you hate. 

Nikka - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it 
everyday.
Noelle - age 7 


Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
 friends even after they know each other so well.
Tommy - age 6 




During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at 
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. 
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
Cindy - age 8

My mummy loves me more than anybody 
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
Clare - age 6

Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
Elaine-age 5 



Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is 
handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - age 7 



Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone 
all day.
Mary Ann - age 4 



I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old 
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
Lauren - age 4 




When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars 
come out of you.
Karen - age 7 



Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's 
gross.
Mark - age 6 




You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you 
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Jessica - age 8

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about 
a contest he was asked to judge. 

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an 
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. 



Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's
 yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy 
said, 
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Fairy Dust will make it all better

Seeing my son leave with my little g'baby to take her back to her Mother is a strange mixture of emotions. I feel a sense of loss. A sense of failure. A sense of - it figures.

I picked her up on my way back home the 22nd and have been blowing and going ever since. They just left and now, I'm back to ... what.

Absolutely gorgeous day here in Little Rock and will be through Sunday, I believe. Mid 60s - sunshine. So much cleaning I need to do to this old house. I just want to jump in Homer and go away.

"Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”

― C.S. Lewis

Have I mentioned I truly hate being an adult? I wanna be Tinkerbell in Never Never Land... sniff

I do enjoy being able to stay up late and driving. Being able to do whatever I want actually.

Hahaaa... I was walking around downtown Dallas on my lunch hour one day ... the Scientology crowd was always out trying to talk to ya and hand out pamphlets and such. Ever now and then I will engage in some talk with alternative beliefs and philosophies and religions and whatever... I still find it hard to talk to the folk who ring my doorbell with their message... I don't like that.

Anyway.... after being approached almost everyday ... that particular day I was in a wth mood and decided to talk with them. I even made the commitment to go to their 'house' and take the tests they were offering. I had read Dianetics by Ron Hubbard and found it fascinating.

I attended --- the little guy that gave the introduction was awfully cute... I enjoyed that. I was in my mid-30s and going through my really cynical period. Afterward... or maybe it was before, you took this 'test'. A psychological kind of thing so they could determine what you needed to work on and where your problem areas were/are ... :D

Most of my young adulthood was spent being totally self serving and I was quite happy with myself. I was rebellious as written in other posts. I had good reason to be rebellious as well as it just being the 'times'. 60s and 70s? who wasn't rebellious...

I've always been curious and at that particular time in my life... I didn't give a rat's ass if someone liked me or not... I considered that to be their problem, not mine.

At any rate... their goal was to have you enroll in their ... hmm what did they call it... classes? workshop? can't remember.

After the test... I was directed to a person behind a desk... a salesperson but represented himself to be a counselor... ok

They did a graph. With the 50 or so thises and thats ---all about life and its subsidiaries.  He opened my graph thingy and I noticed his expression. It was one that I have used in sales when I was trying to sell someone something that they REALLY needed until I actually walked into their shop. I tried to maintain my sales personality... most often I didn't because I got tickled. I'm not a very good liar... I either get tickled or brutally honest.

I watched as his expressions were showing the sales gears at work... /hmm

As he began to show me the ups and downs ... it was hilarious to note that my line was pretty much even... I could SEE his desperation and then and then! a HIGH mark ...  it was a doozy all right! was on IRRESPONSIBILITY ... HAHAHAaaaaa... he was delighted to turn the graph around and say oh yes... see this elevation? ... this is where you really need to focus - this is a very high elevation. I have never seen anyone with this high of an elevation... right

I said well, I coulda saved you all a lot of time and paperwork and told you that. Absolutely hilarious. We ended up almost laughing. I knew what he was doing and he knew I knew. But after our eyes met with ... this ain't gonna fly .. he tried to get serious again and sell me the course or whatever it was called. Jeeeeez what a sham....

Now... enter a couple of more kids who took this test that I was acquainted with. In fact, I told them what a hoot this was and for a fun afternoon --- go look at the little guy in tight britches and take that test thing.

They did. One was in tears. I had no idea that if you do not have a strong personality, they can make you feel as though you are dog shit. I couldn't believe it. There are advantages to being an asshole.

One girl, in particular, was really really upset and it depressed her for weeks. I felt really bad.

My point in relating this? I don't like being an adult. I want to not be an adult any more. I want to go back to not giving a rat's ass what anyone else does. I try to live by the creed - cause no harm - don't lie, cheat or steal.... other than that? screw it.

I suppose I'm going to end up by myself ... I just can not be around people who are phony with their messed uppedness... I'm tried of the games... the hurt, the unnecessary hostility and who's in control -- well, that's game playing. I haven't met anyone whose life is perfect or without hurts and embarrassments and failures and such. The ones I can not deal with are the ones who don't realize or admit such. Quit trying to be almighty.... Y'all see Evan Almighty? I digress.

Also, who are those who think they can call the shots? The evangelicals? because they read the Bible and go to church and even though there are ... what... hundreds of religions based on this one book? ... amazing. They each feel as though they are the ones who have interpreted IT correctly. All seem to suppress women and no one but the white male and/or any other male actually can make rules. kinda silly. Of course, women weren't supposed to be educated so the guys got to write the rules and since they were bigger and didn't have to bleed and have babies and breastfeed and all that woman stuff.. they were able to move about more freely and make rules.

I mean someone had to go fetch meat to eat. HAHAa... reminds me of a time in somewhere in the 60s or 70s... a guy I had just begun to work for and I got into a -gasp- feminist conversation... he said... Miss Yates.... if a Tiger were to charge who would be better at stopping it. THIS was his example of male/female superiority. seriously.... I said.. well, hells bells man go for it. Haven't seen many Tigers in whatever City I was at the time. BUT if there were ... then by golly ... you can play man. y'betcha ....

The one boss I worked for for over 6 years (I didn't do bosses well) and I had a periodic employee employer talk. He initiated this every month or so. We had to start to have security guards walk us to our cars if we worked overtime at night. His sentiment towards feminism was illustrated by his saying that he'd just shove me in front of the mugger/rapist/bad guy and run like hell ... this was in the middle 70s ... so see? the feminist movement did work on some guys.

My little g'baby's maternal side family are Baptists... they seem to have new rules each year when they go to their conference. Come back with a whole new set. I imagine God is sitting up there going... what? ... I didn't say that. I believe Jesus loved women. and I believe in Jesus. To what extent? I don't know if he walked on water or raised the dead or parted water in the Red Sea or was that Moses and God... whatever... Noah and Joseph and Abraham and so forth. There are a lot of mean stories in the Bible.

I remember as a child thinking... when my Dad - (Methodist minister) would relate in Bible study or in a sermon of something bad awful happening... that it's going to be a girl to have caused it. I didn't like that and I thought I was going to hell f'sure for thinking such stuff. BUT I didn't like it.

I don't like mindsets who think they KNOW stuff. No one knows a damn thing. AND no one in my world needs to think they can make all the rules. dammit.

BUT in order to let people know they can't make ALL the rules... guess what!? you gotta pay money to a person who went to school to learn rules. Only those who can afford to go to these rule teaching schools can determine whose rules we follow.

I don't like it.

“Dear God," she prayed, "let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere - be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.”
― Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn  

Nowhere and Nothing

I just went back through some posts ... I've been blogging since June 20th - 6 months. I look back to where I was when I began and lookee here. I'm here.

Some pictures are gone. They showed up when I first clicked on then the little color wheel thingy showed up and took them away! .. I dunno.

I don't like me at the beginning of this blog.

Not real crazy about me now but holy jeez... I have grown quite a bit. Interesting. I haven't a clue what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go or how I'm going to do whatever it is that I am or not going to do ...

All I know is that whatever it is will come along.... unless I quit breathing and I don't plan on doing that. I've got a better grip on whatever it is ... I'm sitting here giggling at myself.  ... I don't have a freakin clue what the Universe has in store for me... or what it ever had in store for me or why it should ... I just do believe I'll revert to ol Pooh --- the Tao of Pooh. Great book.

My little g'baby and I have watched Pooh every day since she's been here. She'll come and fetch me and say - Pooh Bear! I comply and we have a fine time. That Tigger - awfully bouncy! I forgot about Eeyore losing his tail.

I leave you blog and say good night with Pooh... he's so cool... not Elvis cool but pretty awesome cool. A little excerpt from The Tao of Pooh....

"Where are we going?", said Pooh hurrying after him and wondering whether it was to be an Explore or a What-shall-I-do-about-you-know-what.

"Nowhere," said Christopher Robin.

So they began going there, and after they had walked a little way, Christopher Robin said:
"What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?"

(And of course, what Pooh liked doing best was going to Christopher Robin's house and eating, but since we've already quoted that, we don't think we need to quote it again.)

"I like that too," said Christopher Robin, "but what i like doing best is Nothing."

"How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.

"Well, it's what people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, Nothing, and then you go and do it."

"Oh, I see," said Pooh.

"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."

"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.

"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

Trilogy

I tell ya... I'm in an Elvis state of mind... Loree said she spent a half hour with him... reminded me of his Trilogy and so I had to go YouTube ... still gives me goose bumps... never cared much if he sang in my youth... BUT as an adult I really began listening to him -- beautiful voice and style. NO wonder he was a hit! HAhaaa

I remember my 7th grade teacher telling us girls how silly we were to carry on so... he's just a flash in the pan... right.

Lacking the desire to write about my trip back home and Christmas and family and so on and so forth... I submit for our listening pleasure ---- the beautiful and gorgeous and talented and goose bump making Elvis!

AND my baby and his baby... ;)

A warm and fuzzy Christmas moment to ya... one and all

NO surprises here... ;) but it's home and it's Christmas ...

I have a beautiful precious gosh awful adorable little granddaughter and we've been playing and playing and playing and gigging and hugs and lots more hugs ... and G'mas!! HAhaaaaa

thank you

Hope everyone --- and I mean everyone in the cyber world and next door has a wonderful warm fuzzy moment or three! for Christmas...

And WHAT would Christmas be like without Blue Christmas from Elvis... is he beautiful or what!?

How to attracter

Darlene

I dood it... I left but not without having breakfast with a new pal... she's from Eugene, Oregon and I wish she had been here all month.

She's going to stay until February. We had several wonderful talks and we are the same age.

It was swell being able to say phrases that only us of that generation can 'catch'... HAHaaa... what a crew we were --- us 50s teens heading into the 60s and 70s... man oh man...

We had a fine time discussing how far we women have come and some things --- socially --- are still the same. interesting.

We walked to The Islands Cafe and stayed most of the morning. I had to check out before noon. This plaque is on the outside entrance... the sense of humor on the Island is really fun.

A self explanatory plaque - wish I had gotten the history one also... reeeal windy

After checking and rechecking my room and saying bye to Darlene and Mary and Jay - the little motel owners... so cute... me and ol Homer HAD to go say bye to our dolphins... one more time... It's on the way out - to the ferry as is the whammo bammo carwash.

Dolphins were truly everywhere this morning... the pelicans were diving headfirst ... there must have been some magic in that boat that passed by ... it was a small fishing boat and I guess the guy tossed something in ... must have been a lot! wished he'd done that every day! what fun to watch ... seems it would hurt their little pelican heads... I mean they have a big ol loooong beak and pouch thing but their heads are sorta small... I'm not to worry

Took Homer to the whammo bammo car wash --- he's soooo handsome. We boarded the ferry --- got a front seat again! ;) 

I sniffed goodbye ... thanked the water and the sky and the sun and the birds and the .... dolphins... and headed toward Houston.


I can NOT believe I decided to go ahead and go through downtown Houston --- 59North --- at 4:30pm... seriously. I did. not too bad... decided to go on to Livingston to the Walmart there to spend the night.


I found it... it was dark. I do not need to try and find anything in the dark... I went down the wrong, one way of 59N after I saw I took the business exit instead of continuing down the highway... I knew better than that! Been here a bunch of times... but well... I do what I do... Thank the Universe there was a turnabout almost immediately after I saw headlights coming at me in MY lane. I know better ... truly ... than to try and FIND driveways and signs and such in the dark! sigh

I pulled over at a Shell to check my trusty iPhone maps thingy .... sigh and saw that I had gone past WM ... blast... then all the turning around and trying to figure out how in the hell I got to some sort of parkway and ... by this time... I was bound and determined to find WM... unbelievable. Searched for 30 minutes knowing all along it was just right over there! 


Kissed the parking lot and wanted a cappuccino --- McD's was across the highway... as I mentioned!!! it's hard for me to see driveways and such and well... there was a freakin median when you come out of WM --- so you have to go right! 

Again... I almost went straight across to turn left but y'see there was a median and so I decided I'd go right and found a turnaround and came back. Now I'm here at McD's and I've got to go back across to WM.. HAHAHaaa.... anyone remember Frogger? I was never good at that shtupid game anyway... 

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?"  Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter.....

Where'd I put that hen...

Found him.... I do wish I'd be consistent with how I name my stuff! This dancing hen is filed under animated goofy chicken ... jeeeeeez

Anyway... I do continue to beat a hen dancin'... I'm still here!  ... and had THIS for lunch... I'm going to die.

Port A Brewery Co... sigh... they make their own beer and have several to choose from. I just don't drink any longer. probably should. Sooooo at least saved beer calories... I'm afraid if I drink... I'll do something really weirder... I don't trust m'self.

This was taken with my new camera App to my iPhone... kinda interesting, huh...

Well? it's almost 5pm... I got up.. yay! this morning with full intentions of leaving. I packed Homer last night with everything but my shampoo and such and what I was going to wear. I woke up about 5:30 ... rainy and dark ... I sleep with the window open.... very nice.

I made coffee and sat in my usual spot by the window looking out at the rain. It started to get light. I took my shower .... poured another cup of coffee... sat back down by the window. The rain was subsiding... the smells are wonderful. I say screw it.

Watched GMA and Kelly sans Regis ... Mark - her husband was on --- good lord they look like wedding cake toppers. By then I was getting restless ... got dressed and hit the sidewalk. Bundy's was closed again! so I wandered about --- absolutely GORGEOUS weather now... then went by this restaurant... and went in. Little waitress said I wanted a Stopher Burger with avacado and bacon... I said.. ok... my choice was sweet potato fries as the side.... well? aren't they healthier than Idahos? going to die

Walked around a bit afterwards.... decided Homer needed to come along. I really like Homer. We went to the beach and I took a video... updated to unlimited videoing on my iPhone... I spent $3.98 for these two Apps! ... what fun! I'll post a video at some time or other... I took a bazillion... the tide was waaaaaay in this afternoon. The rain? I hadn't seen this sort of wave invasion! very interesting.

Took Homer for another bath. I had planned on the big whammo bammo wash this morning before leaving but I'll do that tomorrow. I HAVE to be out of here tomorrow or pay more money and that ain't going to happen. Have to be in Texarkana Thursday ... I'll meander tomorrow in that direction then drive all day Wednesday and spend the night there.

I went to say hey to my dolphins... but it was BRIGHT and sunshiny and seems they like to come out in the evenings. So came back and am relaxing a bit ... hah.. relaxing... well? from all that beach and dolphin experiencing stuff.

So... am going back in a few minutes and take videos of my dolphins.... surely SURELY with the extended play video ability I can catch the dolphins doing what they do! aw... jeez my phone battery though... fully charged... s'always something.

don't wanna go home

Ahhhhh what a wonderful walk --- videoed my walk. I'll publish it later.. it's loooooong but I'm still learning how to manage videos to upload to blogger. Someone's blog I read said I have upload to YouTube... I'll try that but all my password stuff is at home.  I don't want to create another account.

I have posted them directly from my iPhone and it worked and then it didn't. So, if it's that volatile --- YouTube here I come! HAh! maybe I'll be the next Justin Bieber...

Let's Stop All the Fight....

Since the last of the troops left today ... this song is what I want to post AND I think I've posted it before and I may do so again... I like it a lot ... hard to watch... what a terrible terrible tragedy... so many wars... for what. ... my dog's better than your dog...

I spent the day saying bye to all my places. I pondered with my waves doing what they do endlessly.... rolling on in... the sounds of them doing so are so peaceful. Interesting why that's so. A guess would be we're over 50% water and so we like it.

A very pretty sunshiny warm day to say good bye. I have enjoyed this little ol Island very much. I've met some interesting people that have caused me to continue to be surprised at how different yet alike we all are. Some of us are just too afraid to be who we are.

It wanted to come with me.... I said, well?
I can take your picture and it touched my toes while I took its picture.
A very nice wave.

What has been seen ...

walking about....

I know my ass is fat but it's got its britches safely positioned where it doesn't scare the kiddies.... :D

Comments lead to blog fodder

Love it! Thank you all so much for your comments. My iPhone burps when I get an email and as I've walked about today... it's been wonderful reading your comments. This also gave me a day of 'thinking' while walking.

My son and his little fiancée have both texted at least two or three times a week and my son has called several times. We talked a long time. I wrote about this a post or two back in "Uranus ends its retrograde" ... what joy that was!

This mindset/depression - whatever it is I have has been going on too long. Since 2001-2 actually. I knew I wanted to close my little shop and leave as soon as my son graduated from high school in 2003 and was in college. And, so I did. I started doing a bit of traveling then and reopened my shop for a little over a year in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Terrible bad awful horrible stuff happened in 2005 that I still find hard to try to come to terms with. That year was the worst year of my life. I hope it stays the worst year of my life. I've buried my mind like an ostrich and hoped I could just ignore it all away. Not going to happen. 2006 and 2007 were horrible --- but not as bad as 2005.

2005 I literally wanted to die. I had been brave and strong and keeping everything together for a long time. Two foreclosures and almost bankruptcy ... building a business from scratch out of -on my knees gratefulness- that it became successful enough to support us while my son finished school and got into college. I worked 975 hours a week... Sooooo when 2005 happened ... 1,2,3 ... just one thing after the other... I was exhausted and fell into a deep depression.

I grabbed m'two cats and we hit the road in my little Honda Element for over 7 months. This saved my life. I went to forests and rivers and streams and oceans and mountains and hugged every living piece of nature I could find to hug. On my knees grateful that I had this opportunity and this innate sense of survival and humor. The humor has been hard to come back.

I lost my precious Mamie... gray Persian adorable --- furry hugs and purrs - at Smokey Mountain National Park... she wandered off and -- I suppose or hope that someone got her and is still loving her.... breaks and broke my heart. Everyone was looking for her... I stayed an additional three or four days looking for her. Rangers said either someone got her or an animal got her.... oh, man. I'm tearing up as I type this and I'm at Waves ---  just when I was beginning to get my shit together... that happened... and well, that's when I just said... y'know ol girl? screw it.

Kept on traveling... got my spirits back up by getting lost and taking chances in nature. Got me together enough to come back for Thanksgiving that year. I was devastated by my family. I said ... never EVER never will I subject myself to this again. I didn't for two WHOLE years. I debated and debated whether to go to another family get together... I knew better but I wanted it so badly. My son was pregnant and I wanted his baby's mother and I to like each other so much.

We went to my inlaws - on dear lord... I could go on forever... needless to say my stepson who was always my pal until we were around THEM ... again, after all these years ... called me an asshole because I got up to get something to drink and walked in front of the television while the Cowboys were playing. I mean I'm big... but I'm not THAT big to block it for more than a second... regardless... this just sent me back into ... what the hell am I doing? seriously.... I was/am so fragile emotionally that one something like this can just tear my world apart.

Now, understand that under normal circumstances... I would have told him - 'takes one to know one' and wiggled my butt in front of the TV... while sticking my tongue out at him... but my humor and self esteem and whatever it is... had taken a powder. It was just typical of him and his attitude and my inlaws' attitude since the beginning... GASP a stepmother...

I could write an unbelievable novel about this time and how I handled everything with ... me as the victim and my son as the victim and my husband and his.... oh... on and on and on. --- my son thought my husband's Mother was just my stepson's g'mother... that's how lovely she was... talk about breaking my heart. I couldn't care less if she liked me but my baby??? what the hell kind of person... and my husband just saying... aw... that's just Mom... right. He doesn't like her and well... it's just a lovely thing. then we have my family and ...

Suffice it to say .... I want a lifestyle that is mine. It isn't a matter of me missing them or their missing me. I have lived my life for my son. I got married to someone I shouldn't hadn't oughta... loooooooong and I mean looooong story. Got pregnant at freakin 41 ... are you serious? never even babysit a kiddo before.... so at 42 I became a first time diaper changer

Stayed in the marriage because of that precious angel. Now... I'm staying put because my son still needs me - nothing wrong with that - but if it weren't for the fact that the baby is coming for Christmas and will be with us for a full week... I would not be going home. period.

It is for my son that I am going back. Not even because of my g'baby. She is only 20 months old - the 17th... and her Christmas with her very religious Mother's family - tons of money spent - her G'father is the youth minister at their church... tons of parties and gifts and thises and thats.

Fixing up my house is just trying. I have related to Gypsy's (Martha) posts so much with her getting that mobile home and tearing it all up and painting and putting in flooring and so forth... We bought this home last summer. It is a fixer upper. It is in a very nice older neighborhood of Little Rock. Ten minutes from downtown and in walking distance of some of the areas best restaurants and parks. In other words... we paid for the location.

Decided to buy the house because my son and his soon to be wife and little baby were coming to Little Rock and I wanted to make us a family.... WELL? it didn't quite work out that way and the breakup was horrible... HORRIBLE... It's still ongoing and I don't want to live in the house with my husband. He will soon be retired and I will lose what's left of my mind.

My intention was to get my room with its own bath or his room with his own bath. He is a truck driver and is not home that often. Well? he is now... HAhaaaa... sigh - I lost interest in fixing the house up after the breakup... I just want to get away from the stress and same ol lifestyle that I've had to have for --- 7 years?

That being - unsettled - stressed out - not knowing from one day to the next if someone is going to be in a car wreck and die or lose their job or or and or....

I've tried everything I know.

One of things I have thought seriously about is as you've mentioned Cyn... getting a motorhome... the Roadtrek or something similar and, of course, selling the fifth wheel... so much is involved with that... MIL and her boyfriend and their adopted daughter and so freakin forth... see above /blur

I have been looking and thanks for that PPL url ... that's a nice rig! I found one earlier this week on craigs list in Mt. Vernon ... on the way home... that I thought I would stop and look at. I could pay cash for it. It's a Winnebago

http://texarkana.craigslist.org/rvs/2693442877.html

Sounds too good to be true... so I'll eye it with a very critical eye...

My plans as of this very moment.. hah! is to leave here Sunday morning early... go to Austin - stay Sunday, Monday and Tuesday - leave Wednesday and head to Texarkana - spend the night somewhere along the way --- want to stop at Mt. Vernon... then pick up my precious little angel on Thursday ... then head on back home to Little Rock.

I would love to get someone to clean ... believe me I have thought of it but I can't really give them a time to come... someone will have to be there. AND I would be too embarrassed because of the cat litter room... their litter box shares a floor and space with the laundry room and ... Gawd only knows ....the bathroom? husband clean a toilet? hah

Soooo I'm not going to worry about anything other than picking her up and making sure she doesn't touch that floor or head to the laundry room or touch much of anything until G'Ma.... sweeps, mops, vacuums and cleans up residue cat potty... blech... I'll do it... I'd really die of embarrassment...I need to clean before the maid comes...

Waves is closing!!!! booooooo ... the wifi is so much faster here than in the motel... and it is definitely more pleasurable here. The little barista guy ... soooooo cute ... tapped me on the shoulder and slipped a small pistachio gelato while I turned ... HAHaaa...

make my day little guy!

oh, hi Penny! Diggity was named by my son when he was about 12 or 13. There was a rap song called No Diggity .... he was an adopted stray kitten and I kept calling him ... no dammit! and my son said... MOoooom .... how about No Diggity and we listened to the song... HAHaaaaa.... silly song

He's quite a cat... that guy - I got lots of Diggityness stories... he was a great shop cat... people loved him - came in just to see him and well, Mamie too... Mamie just kinda wanted her tummy scratched but Diggity demanded action --- one little customer --- came in each and every time... Where's Diggity? --- he would come and sit with her on the floor while she made a something or other out of beads and a ribbon... jeeeeeeEEEZ that was cute... THAT I miss about my shop.

Finding stuff to do with my little g'baby is not a problem... I squeeze and hug and play and all manner of wonderful stuff with her ;) ... If I had her all the time... it would be different ... but I don't. We normally just get her every other week from picking her up a couple hours away on Mondays and taking her back before noon on Wednesdays....

If that had been the case this time... I would not be going home for Christmas. I've been gone now for ... jeez! since November 9th when I took her back to her Mother and kept on going. I missed two of her visits.

wanna see her?

Her Mother sent me a text with this picture... they adopted a stray puppy and named him Samson and she likes him a lot... ;)

Upon being Diggity and true to yourself and such

I always told my kid to ... to thine own self be true ... we had a lot of discussions about this as he grew up. Number one was do not lie, cheat or steal.

When there is cat poop that missed the litter box... I know that's Diggity, not Betty Boop. There are certain things we just don't do. Part of who we are is knowing what we simply don't do. I do not litter. I take my shopping cart back to the corral. I will go back to a clerk who undercharged me and pay the difference. I can not knowingly be rude. I use KNOWINGLY because of my hoof'n'mouth disease.

I will take the side of the underdog --- every time. I overeat and hate myself for disrespecting me so. I am afraid of doctors - I don't trust them. I do not dislike people - even when they dislike me... as long as they aren't mean. I don't like mean people and will not play with them. I do not like phony people or two faced people. no sense to it and I won't play with them either.

I list these things because I think it's important to take inventory. I want to see where it is that I stand at this time in m'life. I don't like stupid people and by that I mean... people who ... well, are stupid. You can be ignorant but being stupid is just plain not caring about anything other than what your own ass tells you --- not wanting to learn or be curious.

What has me on this tear you might ask? I just finished off some cookies - sugarless --- but nonetheless a package - which my stupidity interprets as one unit. I don't like being stupid.... not natural. /nobigdeal

I have done Port A ... I really like it but it's time to move on. I have to be back next Thursday. My mindset is already into coping mode. Christmas ---- husband on vacation ---- I will go home to a dirty house. I don't think husband knows how to vacuum. I've tried to introduce one to him throughout all these years ... plug it in... the make it go thing is on the handle .... don't jerk - stroke ... really quite simple.

The litter box area will be something I'm just totally not prepared to see even though he and my son have told me that despite the Diggityness ... they've tried to keep it clean. hah... you have to take the litter rug and bleach it as well as the tile underneath.... they won't do that. Diggity is wow... he'll be 15 or 16 this February and well... he doesn't give a rat's ass about his potty.

I will be picking up my g'baby and I will not have time to go home and clean.... hopefully her Dad will not be scheduled to work Thursday and he can take her while I clean.

So, with the impending Christmas holiday which I have not been in the spirit for such in a few years... I used to decorate every corner of the house. I fought Dillard's after Christmas 75% off Christmas decorations sales and loved it.... I have music boxes and carousels and ornaments from each year with dates and names ... HUGE tree with handmade ornaments to ornaments picked up wherever.... I had a huge, beautiful tree.

I loved putting red ribbon every where ---- huge red bows on windows and doors and staircases and the fireplace was covered with greenery and stockings. A fire was going nonstop... candles everywhere --- from long red tapers in antique gold sconces to electric ones in the windows. Potpourri simmering in various little warmers about the house. Christmas music playing and cookies were baking --- for at least a week or two before.

I loved this time of the year. What happened? commercialism.... kids grew up.... heartache and people just buying obligatory gifts ... meaning nothing.... money started being exchanged or gift cards .. blech.... the hassle of packing everything up and so on and so forth. bah humbug.

Christmas is for kids or the kid at heart. I want that wonderful feeling I used to have ... back. BUT right now as I sit here in this motel room after having been down to say hey to my dolphins and waves and ate a great pizza and walked all around... beautiful day today temperature wise and sun wise.... gorgeous! It's time to go back and face what doesn't go away.

I will want to leave after my little g'daughter goes back home. We will have her a full week. I will be busy. After that? cold and wet in January and February and usually a couple of nasty snows .... beautiful at first then just turns to ice and slush. The south is just not set up for snow... turns to ice.

I will get up in the mornings... make coffee... watch GMA and Kelly sans Regis --- The View ... then say hey to the computer. fix something to eat and ... make myself get out in the cold and walk --- do something.... anything. I will go through the day... it will then be night and I'll watch whatever on TV .... get ready for bed.... go to bed and start all over again the next day. All of this plus trying to get along with a mate that's long been a strain. AND he will be home solid for over a week.

I have tried so many ways and times to get involved with something that will make me feel as though I have a purpose. I want to make a difference. I haven't found what that is yet. I can't stand abused animals and children... I can't work in that field. I'm a blubbering idiot. Old people and little premature babies that need rocking in the nursery... and so forth. Just not my thing. I'm a sissy wimp.

Unfed people - especially children is beginning to really piss me off. In this country? hungry, homeless families/kids? and me stuffing my fat damn face! .... that might be what I need to get involved with.... yep

Well? aren't I a bundle of... gee, I'm glad I read her blog... such an inspiration and fun place to visit.

Bah humbug and Jimmy crack corn...

I want to go to Sea World... already sitting here dreading stuff. Being true to myself? hell yeah... and I need to add some new reality... like...

I do NOT want to go home.... but what the hell else am I going to do....

say goodnight to the dolphins, Carolyn --- peace ol girl...

Yeah... they're there... especially one guy who was very large! So pretty arching out of the water in the fading sunlight... sigh

This is the kind of boat they really love to follow in and leap and leap and leap... ;)

Dolphins HO

hah... started off with a full battery ... going down to where the warning thing came on .... and then and then! hah! gotcha... not a good one but by gum... I gotcha...

There were about four of them! Out running and playing and throwing something and running after it! blast blast BLAST blast... I couldn't get the picture. It was like the guys at the Aquarium... playing ball... what was he tossing about! I swear I'm going to get too excited one of these last days and fall in... me, the phone or both of us....

What a beautiful evening! Very warm afternoon. Very nice morning. I walked to Bundy's for breakfast but Bundy's was closed! No warning! sooooo went to Avery's and had eggs over medium with hashbrowns, refried beans and flour tortillas with red sauce.

I'm going to die. But I didn't have meat... came back to my room and got Homer and off we went. I like just driving around the Island and seeing what's what. There is a place that says... Palm Trees for sale... I have got to get a picture of that. Sorriest looking three or four trees you've ever seen... never see anyone around so maybe it's a 'in season' type business. I hope so because it's pretty sad funny.

I'll be leaving Monday or Tuesday or maybe a little sooner. The weather is supposed to be cold and rainy... boo freakin hiss on that stuff ---- I love sitting in Homer listening to the rain but man... enough. I would like to go home by way of Austin and go to Whole Foods. I love that Whole Foods. It is the original and it's huge. Plus 6th Street is beside it and well, Sixth Street is beyond description... HAhaaaaa.... this is where you will see the slogan "Keep Austin Weird" just about every where. love it.

Dunno yet. I've been eyeing everything differently .... kinda saying bye and it's been really really swell. Kinda get a bit of a lump. I grew a bit here. I've got such a long way to get me to know me... but I've got a great start. i wanted to take just tons of pictures of where I walk, where I sit/sat... so I can recapture that peace when I know I'll need it... sigh, sniff and lol

Running and playing fetch dolphins.... yeah, they're there.....

Ain't that pretty... I mean, seriously ... idn't it?

Hi Ferry ;)

Sigh..... peace out

24 little hours....

I started the day by opening my door and window .... looked squarely at the rain and clouds and said ENOUGH ... I mean it! Made me a couple cups of coffee - got dressed and was going to walk all over the place regardless! ... and so I did.

By the time I had coffee and dressed ... it had stopped raining. Jay, the owner guy was out puttering. He said - at least it's not cold today! and I said you need to stop the rain... and he said that he had. I believed him. I left without my raincoat.

Walked to the library - closed on Sundays and Mondays.... did I not know that? I guess I didn't... then walked on to say hey to m'dolphins --- there were at least five --- all together and then separately --- gracefully arching out of the water -- as they normally do.

I got my trusty iPhone camera... sigh... Puhleese I beg... let me get these guys having fun out there. hah!  They were leaping... I tell you LEAPING in front of the ferries! I have never seen this! That picture up there? There are at least five dolphins that just finished leaping. The bird? my pal. I swear he's the same guy that comes around every time I'm there. His wing hangs low... little thing. He stays right with me. Those eyes! gold little beady cute eyes. What in the world is he thinking? I don't have any food --- never do. He's fun. I enjoy having him around. I chat with him.

It looked as though it was going to rain any minute despite my glaring. My battery was getting low and so I walked back to the motel. Clouds were beginning to break a bit.  I'm going to the beach! ... my waves need me. And, so me and ol Homer went to the beach. He was so clean from not having been there and all this rain but ... we had to do it.

The sand was packed - moist and some ruts were about. But hello waves! oh, joy. Pulled Homer to a nice spot and got out and walked. I don't like walking on sand... I like to feel the sand on my bare feet but I'm old nowadays and I don't like it getting between my toes and up my jeans and all that stuff. But I walked... it wasn't loose sand and that made it better.

The clouds began to disappear and hello sun. rascal. By evening time ... and it was setting... the clouds had really flown on by and it was just gorgeous. The sounds... nothing like the sounds. I tell you those little bitty birds that scurry scurry scurry to the waves then scurry scurry scurry away from the waves just kill me! I tried to take pictures but well.... as anyone who reads this blogs knows... I do memories not art...

The beginning

Clouds going away a bit...  little ol birds

What a difference a day makes.... Dinah Washington.... get it on...

I could listen to her all day long...

Sleepin' on the job....

 Did me some talking to the sun ...

Said... I didn't like the way he got things done

This is a cute YouTube... love the quotes and such at the back.

One of the most interesting things about writing a blog is finding something that interests me enough to write about. The thought that someone might read my stuff and think it's interesting is interesting.

When I get still... and my mind is not occupied... a random thought will come along... sometimes I embrace it and run with it and other times I scream STOP ...

When I was sitting in Homer at my dolphin pier with the rain comin' down ... I thought of this song I hadn't thought of in eons. I love this song and sang it till I drove m'self nuts... Remember the bicycle ride in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?

I was living in San Francisco at the time. I loved going over to Sausalito and Tiburon. One such Saturday I drove over and went to a favorite haunt - Latitude 38. Met some folks and one of the folk was a guy from Dallas who was there on business. What a hoot he was.

Most people seemed to automatically know a Texan... nothing shy about us. I had been there for a few years but I recognized the Texaness... haaaa... said-- what part? He said Dallas and well we had lots of fun and one was walking about singing this song in the rain...

Also reminds me of John ... another post another day. I hope he's well ... and I'm so sorry. I wouldn't change anything --- couldn't because it was then.... but if it were another time...? ahhhhh well, no regrets ...

... going to do more talking to the sun...

Uranus ends its retrograde - about damn time

It was a dark and stormy day as I began to approach my keyboard to write a post that would stir my tens of readers. I was interrupted by a phone call. It was my son.

I always get a bit of a twinge when he calls... he usually just texts. I don't know if he's lying beside the road bleeding or is lost or someone was mean to him or or... something. When my heart went back to its place, he said he and Steph (current and hopefully LAST of his wimmin) had been talking about me. He said Steph mentioned they need to get a larger apartment with a separate bath and bedroom for me.

I was so ... I don't know the emotion... happy? shocked? thrilled? humbled? wowed. He said that Steph and baby mama were talking about Christmas and when we would be able to get her. THEY are talking? I'm in another world here.

Peace reigns? what? I'm wanted/needed? they miss me? the two -my son's wimmin - are talking? holy freakin moly.... what the hell next. An eclipse? oh, that happened... Uranus is passing through Aries.... I read from one pal's blog. Here's an excerpt....

"Also from today, Uranus, the planet of innovation, change, and new ideas, ends its retrograde, at zero degree Aries – the point of initiation and action, which will bring  the birth of something new within us and in the world around us."

and, her blog .... http://aurorahammonds.wordpress.com/2011/12/10/uranus-in-aries/

I like this sort of stuff but I don't subscribe to the notion of following my horoscope to make decisions. I had my chart done sometime in the 60s ... Aries - sun; Aquarius - rising and Sagittarius - moon. It is interesting. It's a fun way to understand some of our stuff, I think so.

We get our baby the 22nd... and we'll have her until the 29th! Outstanding ;) 

This sets my plans. I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I even entertained the idea of going to San Diego --- Highway 1 all the way up to Washington State.... I do want to do that again before I die.

So, I will check out here on the 20th ... take me a couple of days to meander and reach Texarkana on the 22nd ... spend Christmas at home. then? I dunno... but these days... I live for what's what right now. Not going to think beyond that.

I have been watching - well, they've been on the teevee - old movies. It is not a good day for a walk BUT I must get out. I started out with Bomba... holy moly - I remember as a kid when I thought his movies were the bomb... I always liked the Tarzan movies with Johnny Weissmuller --- Cheetah! haaaa.... Abbott and Costello were my favorite movies!  oh remember the Bowery Boys? Satch? ... ah me

Then we've gone from Bomba to High Sierra  - Humphrey Bogart and so forth... Just not in the mood for heavy movies -- Clint Eastwood is on now and before this was Jimmy Stewart --- all drama things

Where's a Doris Day movie when you need one.

Need to go down to Homer and fetch more water. I buy it by the case but I'm way too dainty to carry the case up these five steps to my room. Wonder how much a case weighs... well? each bottle is 16.9 ounces and there are 24 per case... that's 405.6 ounces! that's a lot of ounces.... which means it's hmmm -- had to google... hah! 25 lbs and 5.59 ounces.... no wonder! the damn thing is too heavy... that's almost 26 pounds - dead weight.... too dainty

Well... now, that burned a few calores... I'm not good at math.. I think I'm better at backing Homer up than doing math.

It's 5pm .... I gotta get outta here.... rain and cold and all. Dolphins!? here I come...

Well? its 7pm .... Wow.... what a rainy drizzly dark windy evening!

 

I really do have my nerve posting these pictures.... so blurry and not good. BUT the reason is to remember how the wind was blowing and the pelicans! They were bomb diving --- more than I have ever seen... I bet there were 20 of them. Beautiful and fascinating to watch... no way can I capture this especially with the wind and rain... I took two in Homer ... the top photo I got out and tried to focus! not good.

Decided I wanted a burger...  drove through Dairy Queen ... we don't have one in Little Rock. Of all the fast food joints --- nary a DQ. I couldn't understand the little girl on the outside ordering thing. I said I can't hear you! ... and she would repeat and repeat.... I just said what I wanted but she kept on saying a bunch of stuff.  I said well? I'll just have to drive to the window!

Certainly wasn't holding anyone up! jeeeez everything was pretty deserted. Anyway... she was just SO put out. WHAT do you want, M'am. I said... I WANT the Texas burger meal deal as I stated several times ... little toot - with whatever diet drink you have ... well, she wanted to pursue this being put out demeanor and so I out 'put out' demeanored her.... y'don't mess with old people. She finally settled down a bit and when my order arrived ... she even freakin well smiled and said have a nice evening. hah!

These kids need to learn manners. I'll be glad to teach them. ANYWAY... Went to eat with the dolphins ... was doing just fine for about an hour or so until I spilled my diet Dr. Pepper with ice onto my crotch or I'd still be watching the black waves. I reeeeally wish I hadn't done that. cold and wet and icy and had to jump outta Homer in the RAIN to get the ice outta my seat. --- always something.

Even the ferries were slow.... I thought the one going north was standing still - the wind is something else! Still I wonder who in the living breathing hell needs to go across to Aransas Pass... who ARE all these people... hardly anyone is about and around... well? two fishermen... I could not believe this.

As I was eating ... a guy got his poles and such began to fish! People!? it was raining and windy and he was fighting to get his stuff straight! the waves were coming way up over the rocks.... crazy.... then another guy came along. At least he had a coverup coverall kinda getup on.... I guess pie passion is the only thing I have that comes close to this fishing passion business... man

Soooooo back at the motel... movies are still going on ... Caine Mutiny.... too much heavy stuff .... Kelly's heroes was going off when I came in. I think Larry King has a special on ...  oh, there's Fred MacMurray... what a nice man

Don't tell me I've nothing to do....

I have been here almost a month - and I've never seen this little Island this quiet... wow.... I walked all around. Went to Spaghetti Works and had Manicotti ... gooood. I was the only one there through my salad and soup ... then a party of five came in.

Took the leftover manicotti and salad to the fridge in my room. So! lunch tomorrow... way too much for even me to eat.

Decided to go see m'dolphins. Not even many people there... usually a bunch of fisherpeople... The weather's not a problem... kinda eerie being so quiet around here.

Then it was cappuccino time at Waves with a small lemon custard gelato :D

The couple that sang tonight ... I tell ya. Only me and three other people were there. Got to be hard singing to so few. Cute little couple but just not good singers. Everything sounded alike - karaoke type sound. One couple just gave me a glance like... holy jeez... and left right in the middle of them singing a song. I just can't do that. Another couple came in and hurriedly ate their gelato and left... tough crowd!

The only good entertainer that has been there since I've been here is Kelli's friend from Austin... he was really good. He hasn't been back. I still enjoy going but it becomes a little embarrassing and hard to sit. Y'gotta applaud. I left after their first set.... assuming there will be another.. poor kids. Friday and Saturday nights are the nights for entertainment. I wonder how they select?

They tried to sing Elvis' "That's All Right Mama" .... seriously!  /please

One of the songs was Flowers on the Wall. I had to take their picture singing it and fetch the Statler Brothers. There is quite a story behind this song. My pal Lynda and I in the 60s -- decided to drive from Dallas to El Paso and on into Juarez... we ended up staying in an old hotel downtown - a Mexican bartender we had met while eating suggested this hotel

We wanted something safe but inexpensive. It was covered with flowers on the wall. That song was popular at the time and we broke out in song and continued for quite some time. We.. nah... I don't have the strength to tell it... another time. Manny's was a really hot spot at that time in Juarez and we were doing Greek dances to Guantanamera. ok OK no strength I tell me...!

Here's Waves' couple .... cute little ol kids...

Dunno the chair people..... he listened to this song and one other said to her - let's go - at least they waited until they had finished the song!

Upon being motley....

Gorgeous sunrise ;) listened to my Edvard Grieg - Morning Mood - permanently posted on my sidebar. Gets m'blood going along with my coffee.

I took a drive into Aransas Pass. This was the first time I had to wait on the ferry. I do love riding that thing. The people! The birds! The dolphins! I wanted to go to Walmart and get a few things.... didn't care for the one there... didn't go in.

Since it was such a gorgeous day, I went on to Rockport. Nice big ol Walmart and bought a case of water, dry eye lubricant and two vibrators... HAhaaaa... I have this sciatic nerve thing that starts under my shoulder blade and goes all the way down my back. The mattress in this hotel is killing me.

I got a BLUE ball vibrator and a long curved BLUE one for that under my shoulder blade thing... the ball for when I sit.. I can put in on my side ... just kills me.

The lady checkout person was pretty funny. I didn't even think about it until I saw her trying to hide her amusement expression... took me a minute to 'get' her look... HAHAaaaaa

The ride back on the ferry was wonderful. Late evening and the sun is setting. I have already posted a zillion of those pictures so just enjoyed the ride over. It amazes me! There are, I think, six ferries.... they run 24 hours, 7 days a week... non stop... who are all these people???? I mean this is a little Island! fascinating.

So came on 'home' and got started on the computer. I like my computer. Nice folk live in it... ;) ... forget who said that...

aw jeeeez... watching the evening news... a priest is blessing a helicopter and its pad... alrighty ... what about unblessed helicopters and pads... that kinda stuff is just something I don't get...

I think it's interesting how different folk pick themselves up from depression or hurts. I try to pull me together with humor. I will search for stuff to make me laugh. I will listen to Disney music or any kind of happy sounds. I have lately really gotten into the classics. I do moan and groan and pull my hair out and roll on the floor and pound my fists at what a lonely, cruel world it can be. pity party for days.... the hurt is unbearable sometimes.

BUT somehow... someway... that sense of humor comes about... and I know I will be okay. From childhood pain to adult pain... the hurts, the embarrassments, the being an idiot for love, the ungodly pain of having your baby hurt, losing --- physically and mentally ... over and over... what makes me go to humor? what makes someone else go to maudlin songs and scenarios or get a gun and mow down innocent people? haven't a clue...

I listen to Pandora Radio a lot and have created several classical 'stations'. I also have Tony Joe White, John Phillip Sousa, BB King, Rod Stewart, Connie Francis, Johnny Mathis, Rod McKuen, Kris Kristofferson, Matt Monro, Ray Charles, Tom T. Hall, Nancy Wilson and Marvin Gaye... also generic stations --- Easy Listening, Early Blues, Believe Radio, Classic Rock, and R&B/Soul.

As you can see from my list... I don't fit in any particular category.... However, a Jack Kerouac quote .... “The only truth is music.”  fits me... ;) I don't 'fit' in with most things or places or environments or people --- except nature. I haven't found a place yet in nature that I don't like or fit... from mountains to hills to forests to lakes to rivers to oceans to Bays and Gulfs and name an animal... love 'em all. Well... insects are different... Gnats and mosquitoes are evil.

I've had a lot of bees pay me a visit while I've been down here. I've had them fly in while I was reading something or other in Homer and they buzzed about. One or two on occasion have landed on my chest. I don't like that. But, I won't kill a bee. I stay very still and ignore them.... they seem to be just curious and will go on their way after checking me out... HAhaaaa.... remember ol Pooh Bear and the Honey Tree? You never can tell about bees....

Another blogger - Theresa - reminded me of Jack Kerouac and I've been reading his quotes for a bit this evening... really like that guy ... his quote .... “I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” fits me...

I have always been a misfit. I will die a misfit. A dictionary definition is: a person whose behavior or attitude sets them apart from others in an uncomfortably conspicuous way : a motley collection of social misfits.

motley... HAhaaaaa.. well?

People who have been my pals throughout the years or boyfriends or whatevers have all had to have a sense of humor. Not a damn bit of my nonsense is serious. This has also been a problem for some folk ... it seems. I have a goofy, strong personality and it's confusing... not to me, really... but to others?

I would fit in better if I didn't suffer from chronic hoof 'n' mouth disease. I do... there's no cure. I do find it funny that the majority of folk can dish it out but can't take it. Ones who do all this fancy schmancy talking about this or that but don't do the walking... my Dad was that way. He did live as he preached for the most part but he just couldn't translate his words into everyday living experiences. Does that make sense? I find, like the old adage ... do as I say - not as I do ... applies to a lot of folk.

I will say one thing for me... what you see is what you get... good bad or indifferent... What brought on all this carrying on about personalities? I'm just really trying to come to grips with me .... the whys and wherefores. Very interesting self analysis going on here. May be boring as hell blog fodder but that's why I'm traveling and blogging... get that shit out... move on

Whatever it is I am ... certainly does not fit with people who don't have a silly sense of humor. I define having a sense of humor as being able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so damned seriously...

I left November 9th on this leg of my journey. What have I learned? A lot.

I don't belong any where. I need to profoundly and deeply accept that. As I continue to age... I need to find peace with this. Whatever has made me be me... whatever force created me ... has got a wicked sense of humor...

I talked with my husband for over an hour this afternoon. We did the usual roller skating stuff. The thing I came away with is... I don't want to go home. AND I miss my little g'baby terribly. I still don't know what I'm going to do.

I have this room paid for until the 20th. I almost left several times. I am quite comfortable at the moment with this -at this point in time- familiarity and it is really helping me come to grips with stuff.

I have had an interesting time here in Port Aransas. I do know that as imperfect as I am ... I do not know of a single person with whom I would trade places. no one.

Another reason for my being a misfit... y'reckon?

Five For Fighting It's Not Easy To Be Me...

Padre Island

Beautiful looking day --- still cold but nothing like it has been. I had to get outta this motel room. I don't like to stay inside in my house much less in this motel room.

Homer and I went to Padre Island National Seashore. Barney had said it was unique because it was unspoiled and nothing like it. I agree... it's very interesting there. I got in free because I'm old. Gate attendant lady said she wouldn't drive down the beach .... I should have a 4 wheel... I said... NOT to worry... hah...

I drove the five miles of paved road to the beach and parked Homer ... cooooold and breezy --- came upon dead fish... aw jeez that's sad.

I don't like it when Homer gets pushy... he was not going one wheel farther... ok ok

Be afraid.... very afraid... loose sand

I do like dunes though ... I always have. I've even said that I'd rather be fodder for a sand dune than rot away in a recliner...

This intrigued me... for as far as my eyes could see... this was the only one of these guys... what the hell is he doing out here all by himself? How'd he get there? Don't you have to have two of everything to propagate? A hermophrodite tree - plant - cactus --- amazing... nature is amazing...

I asked the gate attendant lady what this was... she didn't know --- guessed it had something to do at King's Ranch which the Seashore backs into or up to... wonder what they were doing? polluting? isn't there a burn ban?

On the way out I stopped at this pond .... no place to pull over - not a car in sight... as soon as I got out of Homer and pointed my camera... along came a car... rats... but what this is is a pool just ... there... with lots of ducks and other birds... didn't have time to really check it out... very interesting...

I parked here and walked about... it's the Laguna Madre --- goes all the way down to South Padre where I'm more familiar ... just beautiful water ... look at this...

Look how clear this water is! Looks like a fresh water river! in m'beautiful Arkansas!

I want one! is this cute or what!  a Manatee mailbox! Padre Island has some gorgeous homes backing up to the channels with private boathouses and docks... man oh man

A very nice day. The sun was out in full force. Went by and said good night to m'dolphins --- went to the Pizzeria Cafe and had ... pizza and a salad.

I ate lunch at a German restaurant in Padre... had whatever the German word is for breaded pork cutlet and hot German potato salad.... was not hot... it was cold and was like mashed potatoes with vinegar or such... blech - couldn't eat it and the cutlet was tough.... teach me to eat what I'm not supposed to order! They did have LOVELY bakery items... got some bread and a piece of plum pie... well?

It's sitting here... I'm nooooot eating it YET ... be a good breakfast ;) plum pie for breakfast and this bread --- Stollen? I think so... for the rest of the week. yes. I can dole this out .... it's the very sweet stuff I can't dole.